with these sharp hands

I slip into it

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Each day is the first day of the rest of my life!

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wish you had someone to speak code with
wish you had someone to steal things for
wish you had someone to fuck you so you could finally go to sleep
you just want to die a little bit

ink and paint is making you faint
in your pale pale shirts, stolen from uptown stores
watch the girls in the twin sweater sets
smoke, cough, throw up
teeth-scraped knuckles are a telltale sign

get in the car get in the car get in the car
and what you hear is the sound of impact
turn around slowly and check your body for bruises
there is no one here to take care of you

open-mouthed, waiting for a candy kiss
and all you get is rain communion
between lap-dances and laptops
you seek girls who fuck like they're boneless

you're 38, and your job is telling 14 year old boys
what to think is cool
are you laughing? they are

and this one is a fire and that one is a flame
and this one is a spark and that one is a match
you put out in your mouth when no one was looking

and in your dreams your grandparents live forever
and you throw your love into the air like glitter
swallowing stars, spitting up stardust
©Nicole Blackman

1969, 21 grams, abstract, abused, akasha, alone, alternative music, american gods, animal rights, anxiety, apostrophe, arriving, art, artists, ashamed, avoidant, avoiding, big science, blasphemy, blood, chaos, chapbooks, chocolate, clubbing, comfortably numb, cooking, creative writing, cutting, damned, dead inside, death, deception, depeche mode, depression, destruction, did, drawing, dreaming, drifting, drinking, driving, dvds, emotional abuse, euphony, extraction, faeries, fibromyalgia, fight club, fire, flame, free spirits, gallery, golden palaminos, gothic, hiding, holes, hoobastank, imagery, imagination, impressionism, internet, irony, jack, jack off jill, jaggered edge, janes addiction, jet, justin hawkins, karma, laurie anderson, leaving, lies, liquid, lotr, lucid 3, lucifier, manchester, manuscripts, marilyn manson, mental, mutilation, neil gaiman, neopets, new zealand, nicole blackman, numb, obsession, op shop, over 30's, ozzy osbourne, painting, paranoia, parenthood, petrol, photography, poppa roach, postcards, printing, publishing, queens of the stoneage, recoil, red hot chilli peppers, rhyme, running, rye, safety, scissor sisters, screaming, se7en, second shifters, secret window, self-destruction, shopping, sinister, sleeping, snapshots, spies, spoken word, starving, stephen king, strawberry gashes, stuart townsend, suicide, suicide commando, switchblade symphony, system of a down, talking heads, the damned, the darkness, the day after tomorrow, the rasmus, the white stripes, thinning, tori amos, trauma, travel, trinity, trinity roots, twisted, tyler durden, unitedkingdom, used, user, vampires, velvet acid christ, white zombie, withdrawn, writing, writing workshops, yello